haven't been able to blog in a while. haven't had much time to do much of anything really. palm springs was alot of fun! even though i gambled uncontrollably and over ate! what a GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT... other then that the trip was well worth it and much appreciated.
ugh i lost my camera though so no updated pictures coming up -_-
ANYWAYS... ive been thinking... yeah so people might call me a hermit or a recluse but honestly i know i am! so what if i haven't gone out? so what if i haven't had some drinks in me? SO WHAT!!! im sorry i feel like i dont have the need to do things that are not worth my time and effort... but in the end it really hit me...
im not trying to shy away from the public nor keep myself entertained solely by my own means. i just miss having someone special with me. everything i enjoy doing now are not activities i want to share with friends. its those small little things i miss doing with a significant other. i need to learn to forget about the past and just come to terms with what i have right in front of me. its impossible to change whatever mistakes i've already made. BUT it is possible to prevent those mikstakes from happening in the future.
besides the point, i'm coming back into reality. i made an effort, and im trying my hardest. and in the end, thats the best i can do. not only for everyone else but for myself. if you dont make yourself happy nobody can. you are your only friend, your only mentor, your only teacher.
i need to stop trying to become somebody that im not. i need to tap into my roots and find myself again. humans tend to search for something all their lives when all they needed to do was stand in one place and wait for it to find them. being impatient is not only a curse, its a trait you can never get rid of.
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