emily, just shut up

moving to orange county was nice. the weather is great, the shopping is amazing, and the atmosphere is just what i needed. regardless of the glitz and the glamour of living the good life on the coast of newport, im still just a blip on the screen doing absolutely nothing with my life. debating on going to school at UCI or UCLA is seriously pissing me off. thinking about school and thinking about how easy everything could have been just really makes me feel discouraged. pressure from society, pressure from the folks, and pressure from my own conscience is making me go crazy. somebody please give me the secrets of life pretty please?

CANT KEEP THIS UP

http://emilyhatesturnips.tumblr.com/

:D

emily,

Redemption noun /rɪˈdɛmpʃən/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ri-demp-shuhn] - atonement from guilt; deliverance or rescue.

redemption is something we as people WANT. its something we as sinners NEED. and its something we as creatures dont DESERVE.

we want it, we need it, but we dont deserve it. which is true. but in the end we will always recieve it. thats one of the strongest points christianity has to offer. and it's something im happy for (: we sin so much, we bitch so much, we do so many horrible things as humans, yet the ultimatum for heaven or hell seems so easy. ask for redemption and you'll recieve redemption.

i just hope my faith hasn't left me behind.

ive finally been able to let go of the skeletons in my closet. ive accepted the outcomes for all my actions and i pitty those in my past who have done me wrong. revenge is an act so sweet yet so unsatisfying at the same time. ironic much?

emily, your losing your touch

im beginning to doubt myself again. life is going by so slowly. emotions are running dry and feelings are disappearing.

career planning is a BITCH. emily do this, emily dont do that, emily get your shit together. i always wanted to pursue a future in art. i loved drawing, painting, photography etc. but now i have to look forward to things like medicine, things that give me no time to be myself. the strain i have put on me is unbearable and i cant seem to just get over it. is this normal?! is this what being an adult is all about? cause if it is, i dont fucking want it anymore. i dont want any of this BULLSHIT. i want to go back to highschool where everything was carefree. i want to go back to junior high where writing notes to the boy you liked was EPIC. i want to go back to elementary where p.e consisted of walking around the field 3 times. i want to go back to preschool where nap-time was an hourly class. i want my childhood back so that i can live through it with appreciation.

anyone have a time machine??? hit me up, lets be buds.

emily, you now understand what you need to do!

haven't been able to blog in a while. haven't had much time to do much of anything really. palm springs was alot of fun! even though i gambled uncontrollably and over ate! what a GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT... other then that the trip was well worth it and much appreciated.

ugh i lost my camera though so no updated pictures coming up -_-

ANYWAYS... ive been thinking... yeah so people might call me a hermit or a recluse but honestly i know i am! so what if i haven't gone out? so what if i haven't had some drinks in me? SO WHAT!!! im sorry i feel like i dont have the need to do things that are not worth my time and effort... but in the end it really hit me...

im not trying to shy away from the public nor keep myself entertained solely by my own means. i just miss having someone special with me. everything i enjoy doing now are not activities i want to share with friends. its those small little things i miss doing with a significant other. i need to learn to forget about the past and just come to terms with what i have right in front of me. its impossible to change whatever mistakes i've already made. BUT it is possible to prevent those mikstakes from happening in the future.

besides the point, i'm coming back into reality. i made an effort, and im trying my hardest. and in the end, thats the best i can do. not only for everyone else but for myself. if you dont make yourself happy nobody can. you are your only friend, your only mentor, your only teacher.

i need to stop trying to become somebody that im not. i need to tap into my roots and find myself again. humans tend to search for something all their lives when all they needed to do was stand in one place and wait for it to find them. being impatient is not only a curse, its a trait you can never get rid of.

emily, stop being pessimistic & get some sleep

"Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon
& wise too late"

-BenjaminFranklin


its 7:26 in the morning. i slept a grand total of ZERO hours once again. i got to watch the sunrise from my bed and pondered about how life would be on the other side of the street. my neighbors are such simpletons. mowing their lawns, going to work, going to bed early and what not. wheres the action? wheres the drama? then again, what happens behind closed doors is a completely different story.

yet again, i began to sit and wonder about how my life is flashing past me so quickly. i'm doing so much of nothing and achieving so little yet, time is going by so fast. am i going to die like this? nothing to look forward too, nothing to surprise me, nothing that even comes close to satisfying me? HAH what a boring death. i always wanted to be in the textbooks in the future. i'm just not sure what i would be remembered for but, we'll just have to wait and see. i wonder if it's going to be something famous or infamous... hmmm?

i'm currently psyching myself up for the unbearable weather we have coming today. its so damn hot... my sweat is sweating -_- mmmm looking at old pictures with old friends is fun. its really beginning to soothe my restlessness. i feel myself getting a tad bit sleepy which is a miracle! heres some old pictures that i found, ones that i truly love no matter who's in them or not. they might be old friends, old enemies, new enemies WHATEVER. all that matters is friendship creates memories and art that lasts a lifetime. enjoy.

emily, you need to let go & just move on

dwelling on past experiences and regrets can be quite damaging to a human being. this not only makes emotions spiral into a downward abyss, it also causes people to act out in a reckless manner. THUS came to the term "fuck my life" to be created. this phrase is usually said out loud 1.6 million times a day from an average human being. unless your under the age of 12 and a follower of the jehovahs witness... since they are forbidden to curse?! idk fml rofl lawl

well i had no work today! just being able to sleep in and get the rest i needed was well appreciated! eating alot of food didnt make me very happy though -_- but the good company was well over enjoyable! seeing arthur after he went back to CSUN was nice! followed by the visit from chris after he drove back from Merced. not much happens here in this quaint city.

i am also LOVING my MarcJacobs watch. its so clean and saavy. i hope i dont lose it or damage it in any way.... i bought that watch with around 30 hours of pure hustle and waitressing.